The actual sword of Excalibur has been stolen in London, and futuristic detectives Jake Cardigan and Sid Gomez are assigned to track it down and to find out who is trying to block the British reign from its rightful heir.

Nicole Maris is a popular high school preppy senior in Utah who gets her life turned upside down when her perfect date, Brad, falls for a cute cheerleader from another school a month before the school's centennial senior prom. After recovering from the shock, Nicole comes up with a solution to save her reputation: find a guy to appear like they're going steady and to take her to the dance hoping to make Brad jealous. Nicole then hooks up with her next door neighbor, prankster and trouble maker Chase Hammond, and tries to model him in her own image while he's looking to make his long-term girlfriend Dulcie jealous too. However, both Nicole and Chase don't expect their charade to lead it where they never expected it to.

Frank Castle, the ex-military man whose family was killed by criminals, who became a vigilante known as the Punisher, goes after a whole mob family and gets everyone except enforcer Billy Russoti. He tracks Russoti down and chases him into a vat that is used for crushing bottles. Frank turns on the crusher hoping it would take care of him but it doesn't. He survives but sustains very severe injuries that even with plastic surgery his face looks like a jigsaw puzzle. So he decides to adopt the name Jigsaw. Frank who killed one of Russoti's people who unknown to him is an undercover Fed, decides to pack it in. But when he learns Russoti didn't die and is looking for the money he entrusted to the Fed and will go looking for it at his home which means his family is in danger. So Frank tries to save them. But Russoti wants revenge on Frank so he breaks out his brother who is so crazed that he is committed to an asylum...

Just before he's to marry Fiona, Roderick Blank receives an anonymous e-mail with 101 names on it; Fiona's is the 29th, the first 28 are women Rod has slept with, and the 30th turns out to be the stripper at his bachelor party. The notion that he will have sex with 70 more people sends Rod into crisis mode, especially after three odd men in an aseptic office confirm that a celestial machine has made an error. They suggest destroying the list, but Rod finds that easier said than done. Working his way through it consumes him, plus he realizes that death may await him after #101. Meanwhile, a femme fatale nicknamed Death Nell is putting men into a coma. Are they fated to meet?